Home is a lot of things….but mainly it is the place where life makes up its mind. Swindoll
Raising our three boys was chock-full of hugs and kisses, love, skinned knees, black eyes, quibbles, laughs, fears and a “Hodge-Podge” of pandemonium! I loved every moment of those days but I also felt the great responsibility to do it all “right”…..how I dreamt it should be done. Some days I was just plain worn out trying. Being one who would always analysis my christian progress, along the way, I found myself becoming overwhelmed, feeling like the job was too great. So, to the Lord I would have to run to and confess my inadequacies to do the job alone. He would gently agree with me and remind me, “ Yes, it is too big for you, alone. Lean on me, I will help you!”
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me….forsake not the works of your own hands Psalm 138:8
Being a parent and navigating through the times of …. nurturing babies, chasing toddlers, and watching three individuals grow and exert themselves, I learned many valuable lessons that added to my patience and perseverance. I watched as my boys tried to move away from total dependency. Yet, I still saw that they needed us, more than ever. I questioned in my journal “Can I let them go? Not embarrass them when they think for themselves. Let them experience some decisions on on their own.” Can I let them develop skills by maybe having failures. Can I give them up to let them play a little more freely? further away? TRUST was at the bottom of most of those questions. And the “Matthew-factor” played a part in my nervousness and ability to trust more. As a result, I was a “mother hen” clucking over each situation the boys experienced …over-careful…over-doing…holding on tight at times…..I was often called the “worry-wort”, I humbly admit. But God helped me every step of the way in the auspices of our home.
Here are a few journal entries written down during this time of being a Mom of three wonderful wiggly boys. Some will make you smile, some you can probably relate to and some are reminders to me today as a parent of grown children.
……………. some how I found time to write things down back then…wonder how I did that?
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Steve at 2…..beginning to express himself better word-wise . Oh, such an active boy-exhausting me with his climbing and ability to be a “little dickens” in all situations Eg. when eating food is all over him and everywhere else. When shopping, Steve somehow wiggles out of the stroller. And in the middle of the night Steve makes “tiger-screams” to get our attention. He loves to pull a chair all over the house to climb into and on things precariously. Besides these cute things, he is most of all, a real love. Loves the hugs and kisses! Is a Pop-Pop fan through and through!
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Ben (4), when we were praying at night, indicated that he wanted to ask Jesus to come in his heart. He was concerned that the Devil could get in if he didn’t do it right away. (This was about the time Star Wars was such a rage!) Then he asked, “ Is Jesus kind of like a “force-field” in your heart?” This concept obviously made him feel safe. What a great symbolic picture! He was always thinking!
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I have to learn over and over again not to expect spiritual maturity from babes. Here is a perfect example. One night Pastor came over to instruct Brian on baptism and right in the middle of this long discourse, Brian interrupted politely, and said “Pastor, I hate to change the subject, but I wonder if you would tell me something I have wondered about for a long time now.”
I was elated as I watched Brian and he seemed so sincere! Brian continued, “ Did the stone kill Goliath or did he die when David cut off his head?” Cringe. But I couldn’t help but smile inside as I’ve wondered that myself.
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One time when out with a friend for lunch, Brian spoke up. He asked my friend, “Kathy do you know Jesus and is He in your heart?” She answered, “Yes!” and he responded, “ That’s good because He is a special guy.
Another time: When I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. Brian answered thoughtfully ,”Just myself, Mom.” Priceless!
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My new trial is a lack of quiet-time. There is an interruption very 5 minutes it seems and I don’t want to resent those interruptions. But this week I have been so short with the children. Well, I can remember the other day, after devotions, I knelt down for a quick prayer and the boys saw me there on my knees and jumped on my back thinking I was going to be their “pony-boy!” My prayer is to have a servant’s heart in times like these and learn to pray “on the go.”
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Today, Stevie put up a “hissy fit” when I asked him to “come-in. It was such a big one that I thought the behavior deserved a spanking when Daddy came home. Up in his room, Steve ,all on his own, wrote sentences, a thank you letter, drew me a picture, and even washed his own mouth out with soap! And when Dad appeared, he announced he was ready for him, He was sitting on the bed waiting. We found out later he had put on 3 pairs of pants under his heavy sleeper to better prepare for his spanking. What a Dickens!
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Brian’s room looks like a tornado hit….after he’s been cleaning for an hour too……Steve pushed Benji down the stairs……Ben just threw up all over the rug…..I just lost a check….and after much “trying otherwise,” I loose my cool totally. Somedays, I reason I have every logical or worldly right to throw a real “fit” myself in the middle of everything.
But I’m finding the heart of EVERY problem, lies the HEART. My heart has tendencies to be reminded over and over again that I need to be ingrafted into GOD in order for the fruits of the Spirit to be seen, in spite of life’s circumstances, in the crucible of the home. How shall I lead my children unless I have the fruits I yell at them to have. I need to chisel away at my heart and ask the Lord to help me again so I can walk worthy of Him and bring into captivity every thought to obedience in Christ. Righteous words come from a righteous heart ( one surrendered to Him, cleansed by Him, and filled with thoughts He strives to place there.)
Guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life. Prov. 4:23
Alway remember that my children reflect perfectly all my faults.
I have to be aware that my life either “sheds light or casts a shadow!” (unknown)
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Beni (5) our constant chatterbox was asking again about how he was born.
”Mom, I know where I came out!”…..
”You do? I said.
”Yes, from a little secret door!” he exclaimed “But how did I get out of the little secret door?”.
I just listened.
“I know,” he continued. “Jesus was in your heart and He pushed me out.”
Then he said…”You weren’t too happy when you saw me !”
“No?” I said “Why?”
“Well, Mommy in the picture you looked kind of bad!”
We had a nice follow up talk. So creative!
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Brian returned from camp all in one piece ( but with a black eye, he said came from swimming into a inner tube nozzle)! Had a wonderful time and I’m so glad ! It seemed he survived even when I wasn’t there to nag.
My prayer for him all week was that he might desire to begin his walk alone with God in the way of having his own devotions. Last night while we were in the kitchen, he said to me “ I can’t believe it Mom, but some kids are really psyched out about reading the Bible!” He went on to say that made a real impression on him and that he knows he should Oh, I pray for that first step and thank our Father for the desire.
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The other night around the table we were discussing a family who was broken hearted over a son who has rejected Christ. All the other children in the family had found Him but the boy was involved in trouble all the time.
Well, Stevie was caught up in the whole story , and spurted out “I know what I’d do….I’d take him right up to his room and give him a spanking until he asked Jesus into his heart”
We all broke up with laughter!
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Benji has been especially a joy to us recently. His love for the Lord is remarkable. There was a special drawing he made on Easter Sunday. It read quite simply,
“ TO JESUS I LOVE YOU—BENJI”
He was very insistent that day that he wanted this note to to go to Jesus. I suggested we put it in the offering plate.
He said “No, when I die, tape it here on my chest and Jesus will see it when I go up there.”
Oh what simple, yet profound faith!
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For the last few days the house has been full of endless chatter, little foot steps running around, adults laughing and kid’s squabbling. We’ve had company from our old church, back to back. The visits were such a rewarding times of fellowship. It just amazes me how, in the body of Christ, we can live so closely with one another and feel comfortable even when we haven’t seen each other for years. Of course there were times during the visiting, when I wanted to crawl under the tablecloth…..like when Stevie came out in the middle of dinner one night, with just one simple word….the word “D…..”
We asked with red faces, “What did you say?” and he assuredly answered again, “D….!” even louder.
We said “Do you know that is a bad word?” He innocently said he didn’t even know what “D” meant.
Oh well, those friends got an earful. We were humbled. What the bus ride and school teaches your child! Our Dennis the Menace!
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Benji was pestering me relentlessly, when I had a neighbor over for coffee.
I turned to him in jest and said, “Benji, I’m going to change my name to George, so I don’t hear….Mommy….Mommy …….heh, Mommy. “
He said nothing and just grinned. Well, my friend and I went on chatting together for sometime before Benji got up to get his coat to go outside. As he walked away down the hall, he peeked around the corner, and said “Oh, Bye George, I’ll be outside!” Laughter!
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Each day I gather the boys in my arms before they leave for school. I pretty much pray the same prayer each day; that they be “little Daniels” in school and that they would grow to love the Lord with all their heart and all their might. I love them so deeply AND I remind myself that God is not only just concerned for them, just like I am , but He loves my “little men” even MORE than I do! I just need to open up my firm grip on them; Like in the prayer of relinquishment. When I am able to let go, parenting becomes more of God’s business and not fully mine anymore. My load becomes so much lighter, when I remind myself of this important truth.
(Deuteronomy 6) Listen……..you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Amen
