Chapter Four: A Grand Map by Diane Krentel Hodge
For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
I heard someone say once how God has a Master Plan for each one of us, all sketched out in a “Map-of-sorts” in Heaven. On this Map, we don’t know all the starts, stops, and finishes or the reasons for “pauses” along the way, as we can’t see the Map. The Master Creator designed this Map to be balanced and productive for His glory. A divine Grand Master Plan, for our journey here on earth; a Map for each individual. Our role is to lean on the Everlasting Arms for the perfect heavenly outcome for each of life’s happenings. Of course, that “map-concept” is not actually found, word for word, in the Bible, but the concept nonetheless is true. I can testify to it…..especially during this next phase of my life. Here is a rendering of how His hand gently guided us along the way during this time.
After Matthew’s “home-going”, Ron and I prepared for his enlistment into the Armed Forces, as his six months deferment flew by. One snowy morning, his father took him to the Army Induction Center, and I watched him walk away with all that he needed, in one small satchel. Twenty-some years old, married for over five years and entering a whole new world that was challenging, physically and mentally. He often says that one night he was sleeping in his bed with his wife of five years and the next night, he was sleeping in a barracks with 18 and 19 year old gang members and right outside of the only broken-down latrine. ( Interestingly enough, Ron’s group was the last division to live in these “sumptuous digs” before the building was condemned as “unlivable”.)
Eight weeks later, 25 pounds thinner, Ron finished his basic training and signed up for Officer’s Candidate School in Columbus, Georgia. This time I would be able to live nearby off base and perhaps see him on weekends; that was if he wasn’t put “on duty” for some small infraction. The time flew by.
So off we went to our first place of duty, Huntsville, Alabama. Now to be very truthful, I must say I cried when I heard we were going there!!! What’s in Huntsville? It’s so far from home and so very hot and humid, I thought! But being thankful it wasn’t Vietnam, we packed up reluctantly and made the trip down south to this little town. Foolishly, I didn’t remember that “grand plan of things” quite yet subconsciously. Still believing I knew best, I thought.
Anyway, in the Army, when you are an officer, you are given houses on base with all the furniture and household items you needed. This was all-amazing to me and we settled in quickly in a duplex on base. We had everything we really needed. Each other, a sofa and appropriate furniture for a three room duplex. Everything except one small thing,…..an air conditioner! How can one live in 100% humidity? Somehow we did it, as we lived on under $200 dollars a week…….not enough for an air conditioner… ….but happy, as we were together again.
Soon after getting settled, we tried going to a little church right outside of the post called Hillsboro Baptist Church. Now, when you live down South and you come from the North, you might get some” joshing” from deep down Southerns. Members of this fellowship who enjoyed teasing us, and laughing at our northern accents, soon became our fast friends. Southern hospitality was especially warm there and they wouldn’t allow you to be “Sunday-only-church goers”. We were invited to everything and that’s just what we needed. Soon, the church approached us to be Youth Leaders to the teenagers. We were in our mid twenties and had no attachments, so we said yes! Life became busy with church retreats, high school bible studies, Sunday School lessons and many other church functions.
At the same time, I found a new OB GYN doctor in town as we still wanted children. The new doctor I found was younger than my doctor in New York and he was a fertility specialist to boot. He didn’t just send me home and say “keep trying there is nothing wrong with you”. He also put me on many fertility meds and had me go through many painful medical tests to find a problem. Well, if anyone has walked down this path with me, you would know some of the fertility drugs would produce orange size cysts on your ovaries that are very painful. Many times I wanted to quit and give up but once again, the Lord gently prodded me to pick up Catherine Marshall’s book , Beyond Ourselves and read and reread the chapter called the “Prayer of Helplessness.” Listen to these precious words. You can apply it to anything you might care much about and for those circumstances that are seemingly helpless in your life.
Prayer of Helplessness (in part)
by Catherine Marshall
Helplessness is a terrifying thing to most of us. We resist it, deny it and when we are finally face-to-face with it, a few of us are unable to endure it!
Sometimes life find as powerless before the facts that cannot be changed. Then we can only stand still at the bottom of the pit and claim for our particular trouble that the best of all promises, that God will make even this to "work together for good to them that love God. "
God's hemming- in-process is one of the most loving and effective devices for teaching us that He is gloriously adequate for our problems "Creative power begins at the point of helplessness"
Self-pity, giving up, quitting is a kind of self indulgence that shuts God out, blocks His power, cuts the nerve of creativity. "Human helplessness is the crucible out of which victory could rise"
II Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.
No sinner is hopeless. No situation is irretrievable. Not case past redeeming.
Those words were like a hospice to me. Then, it wasn’t too long when the doctor explained why pregnancy would be so very difficult for us. The diagnosis was Poly-cystic ovaries. But that piece of news didn’t seem to rattle my southern doctor. He said knew of one medical procedure that worked 80% of the time to help you conceive. It would be an operation called a Wedge Resection. Well, of course, we scheduled this major surgery, as soon as we could.
Now all the parts of “God’s Grand Plan” start to come together.
As I was recuperating in the hospital, the pastor of our church, Pastor Tom, a joyful young man with a winning smile, found out that I had surgery and dropped in for a hospital visit. He expressed his concern for my health and I assured him the reason I was there was only a “woman-plumbing” problem. I tried to keep the moment light. He didn’t laugh right away but a concerned look filled his face. I opened up and shared with him about my condition and that we had tried almost everything out there to become a Mom and Dad and we weren’t getting any younger! I even told him that we had thought about adoption but the waiting list was 5 years in New York and that would push us past the age limit in that state. Then he paused and said something I will never, ever forget.
He smiled and said, “ Why, Diane, why didn’t you and Ron tell about your problem? Don’t you know the Southern Baptist church has a home for unwed Southern Baptist mothers in New Orleans? Why, I could write you a letter of recommendation today and send it right off to them. I know of their ministry well. I love you guys so much. I’d be happy to do this for you! ”
I can’t begin to tell you how my heart flew and fluttered within. A new bud of hope blossomed right then and there in my heart of hearts. Oh God, is this why Ron was drafted and sent to Huntsville, Ala.? Is this why we were drawn to this church?
Then came the home studies, interviews, applications and letters of recommendation, as this christian adoption organization wanted to match up biological families to adoptive parents as closely as possible.
And within a short 10 months we got the phone call not to go away on a trip or anywhere too far without letting them know first! Wide-eyed with wonder, we speculated if the call meant it wouldn’t be too many more months of waiting. Guesses…only guesses at that point! Then two days later, the phone rang again and we held on to the receiver like it was gold when we heard it was the agency calling again. Good news, it seems there was a baby boy about 8 weeks old that they felt was just a perfect match for us! We listened in stunned silence, as they explained everything about him…..his raspy coo….healthy physic and nature….his big winning smile ………and we could hardly wait to see for ourselves. We were going to have a baby boy!
Soon we gathered our baby gear in the car, to include “Eeyore”, the blue donkey squeeze-toy, and headed due south for a long trip to LA. Each mile we traveled, the awesomeness of it began to sink in…..a sense of pure happiness settled in. Unbelief was part of these feelings too, as we just couldn’t believe we were going to be parents!
I remember the trip as taking forever, but we managed to find the Southern Baptist home . If heart-rate tells you anything, we were maxed out with excitement and expectation. After we were greeted, we were ushered into a small room to sign some papers. Soon after this, they announced that they would go get our little baby, just like that. No long wait. And we sat there a few minutes in utter silence, listening for any sound that would bring him closer. And then we heard the happy raspy “coo” coming down the hallway. We edged forward in our chairs. The staff person entered the room with this very wonderful bundle of boy. The baby took one look at us and a smile spread from ear to ear. Suddenly we began to “coo” and make over him, as they handed him right to me. I melted and smiled as he proceeded to throw up all over the front of my dress. Even that was a joyous welcome for me as his new mother. (Years later, Brian loved that part of the story as he loves playing tricks on me to this day.) We named our handsome baby,
The first couple of nights with Brian, I would rouse myself several times just to go to his room and stand there to check him and watch him sleep. I was so in love right from the start and still couldn’t quite take it all in.
So Lord, this is why You chose to bless us with a draft notice in the middle of a war, when our hearts were breaking about Matthew? This is why you had us go to that specific church! You are so powerful to turn all of the past happenings into good, guiding us each step of the way! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts, for making all these moves on the “Grand Map” for me and had it all work out for Your glory. Thank you for blessing us in such a special way.
The story wouldn’t be complete without another obvious reason were drafted. It seemed like the surgery worked! I became pregnant again after a long six years! We never knew whether the baby would be healthy or not. Our odds were 1 in 10 or 1 in a 1,000. No doctor could agree. I must say that Ron’s faith never wavered during those long nine months.
I’d ask him, “What if this baby is another child with Spina Bifida?” Ron, steadfast and firm, would faithfully proclaim, “ There’s no statistics with God. He will give us the strength to bear whatever, just at the right time, just when we need it. Have faith.” So I would set my mind on that thought during those long nine months. “There are no statistics with God…..God will give us the strength”…..over and over again. Just a simple “setting of the mind.” Of course, some days were harder than others.
And when this delivery began, this time husbands were allowed in the birthing room. That was such a blessing to me, as I would not have to be alone if there was a problem. Ron was just “like Ron” and into everything that was going on during delivery. He and the doctor talked like two clucking hens as Ron asked about how this and that worked and how the doctor felt about the delivery.…and on and on he went. That kept my mind focused and not fretting. And just at the right time, our sweet Stephen Paul entered the world, healthy and robust. The joy was indescribable!
Is this why I had major surgery and all those painful tests? Thank you, God. I see that now. ……Another part of God’s miraculous master plan.
My mother sent us a letter right after Stephen’s birth, as she was out of country at the time. Only my Mom could put our feelings in words so beautifully.
Welcome to our world new little one! You do not yet realize the environment of love which surrounds you. On your mother;s tummy, wide-eyed and content with the arms which so gratefully cuddle you, every so gently, ever so close. How will you know how unceasingly you were prayed for, how anxiously your birth was awaited, how gratefully your life was received.
Happily, three years later, I once again was pregnant. When I was in early labor for this pregnancy, we were all sitting around the kitchen table having tea as the labor began slowly. Brian was giving his Dad a back rub (if you get that…..i’m in labor and Ron gets the attention!!) and Steve was off playing somewhere oblivious to what was happening. Brian, who was six now and very inquisitive, looked at me from across the table and said, “Mom, did you have those kind of pains when”…….then he smacked his face and smiled. My heart swelled up with love for him and I told him to come over to me and tell me what his question was. I put my arms around him and he said, “Oh,Mommy, I wanted to know if you had that kind of pain when you had me. I forgot that I wasn’t in your tummy.”
God sent me an answer instantly. “You know, Brian, I had a different kind of pain before I got you. It was centered around my heart in the middle of my chest and it was a pain that didn’t go away. I would get it every time I saw a Mother with her child at the store, or a mother pushing a stroller and even at church when a Mother would enter with an adorable child. And you know what Brian? That pain never went away until they placed YOU in our arms. Well, his big infectious smile spread from one ear to another. We hugged.
So, you see in our house, when the kids ever asked about how you can get babies…..we answered that there were two ways this could happen.
And that very same night our precious, Benjamin David arrived healthy and beautiful. Ron again, was with me, thankfully. We cried and thanked the Lord together for another gift. Ron just sighed and looked at me and said, “Ahhhh…..My three sons!”
So you see, God is the Master Designer. Only He knows what the Map says and where it is going….if we just wait and trust Him. He has a perfect plan. We might have to wait till Heaven to see the reason for some of life’s happenings, but sometimes He allows us to see clearly what He had in mind, here on earth. Our job, in the meantime, is to keep looking up and trusting our great God as we go along. We should remember this and have more faith as we face some of the hurtles on our life's journey…… All charted out on a Map-of-sorts…… in Heaven with our names on it.
"Today I am one day nearer home than ever before. One day nearer the dawning when the fog will lift, mysteries clear, and all the question marks straighten up into exclamation points and I shall see the King!" - Vance Havner
